why do people kill themselves.

after spending a good 2 months in the hospitals (yes, i know i've been here for a year but that's how much i've been going), i have come to the realisation that perthies are stupid people. perthies, cos it sounds better than perthians. a quick breakdown of ye normal visitors of royal perth hospital based on each system (ah yes, the organised medical mind with a penchant for evidence-based medicince):

1. Respiratory system - 90% smokers and the rest are people who stick asbestos up their noses or have asthma. so, 90% of them breathless folks are those who could've avoided it altogether and the other 10%.. well, gg bad luck. they make good percussion practice though.

2. Cardiovascular system - 99% angina/MI due to high cholesterol, high blood pressure, lah dee dah. while the other 1%, well ur momma was a smoker and gave you VSD+ASD+PDA with a transposed great vessel just to make sure u turn blue. who's to blame? the heart failure virus?

3. Gastrointestinal system - ok to be fair, not all the people who bleed from their arses brought it on themselves. so a good 30-40% alcoholic pancreatitis/hepatits etc. and the rest, well diarrhoea or some parasite. who knows? but most importantly, WHO TOLD YOU TO DRINK SO MUCH YOUR FACE TURNED YELLOW AND YOU GOT CEREBELLAR ATAXIA?! drink water for crying out loud. it's cheaper.

4. Neuro - they have entire hospital wards dedicated to stroke patients. go figure.

5. Renal/endocrine - lazy lah, you get the idea anyway.

so next time you see me on the wards and i'm smiling as i palpate your oversized liver, remember that i'm not smiling cos i'm being nice, i'm smiling cos you just owned yourself.