how's everyone?

it's early in the morning and i'm cold and bored so i thought i'd do my part to keep this blog alive.

sometimes i sit by myself and i wonder how everyone else is doing. i picture everyone having the time of their lives, sitting together for lunch at the lawn, hanging out after a long day in uni, going to town during the weekends, the things you picture life to be like in the movies. i like to think everyone looks beautiful, the sun brightly shining, and for no particular reason everyone is smiling. no one is worried about exams, medicine is easy, and old people don't smell like mouldy cheese. we'd pat people on the back because we haven't seen them in a while and we'd cry when someone wants a good cry. the seasons will be beautiful, rain will only fall when we miss the smell and when the plants need watering. we'd live life tomorrow would never come and yesterdays were long gone.

today i might be sitting here by myself who knows what will happen tomorrow. i might find myself lost in the hospitals. i might spend my afternoon in the park, with some good music and a good book. who knows, someone i've not seen in a long time might come to visit and we might go to the beach. i want to taste the sea in my mouth. i want to feel the sand between my toes. the shells will crunch under my feet and there will be sand in my hair. people will stare or they might not even care but at least i will feel alive again and remember how everyone will be doing in their lives.

maybe we have been caught up in our daily routines and the little nuances that every day brings. maybe we have been consumed by the bitterness of things who rub us the wrong way. maybe it is us who are the grain of dust that gets in someone's eye. or the smudge on the favourite tshirt that you don't want to throw away. or maybe we are like the bricks that make up the wall that you don't see everyday but still walk around, insignificant, but a stone in the path just the same. all the same we have become intricately woven into the tapestry of life by some higher power. cliched as it may seem, do we get to choose which thread that run by our sides and which thread falls across our path? today i may cross swords with someone but tomorrow they might be the one that picks us up when we lose our way. we have already determined our lives when we chose to go down this road but i like to think our profession will not define who we are and who we will be. the people that you meet and the imprint that they leave will someday be the very thing that lets you choose between right and wrong, between living by principles or pushing the boundaries. some dude once said it is not about who we choose to be but who be we when we are chosen. some day we may be asked to be accountable for all we've said and done and can i honestly say i've done right by everyone? can you?

i guess up to this point i have lived a life of frivolous ignorance. i believe myself when i tell myself that i have lived up to this point with no regrets in the decisions i have made. some day i will look back at the times when someone has cried because of the things i said or the knives i stuck in their backs, and i will not remember. i will see everyone happy, smiling, maybe crying and laughing at the same time and i will not remember the hurt on their faces. they will look beautiful. they will have pretty makeup on because i have forgotten how they look without and they will be well dressed because i have forgotten which hideous fashion disaster i made fun of. then maybe, hopefully, they might have forgotten the times when i rubbed them the wrong way, and the times i crossed their path and made them cry. they might even remember me even if i was just a brick or a stone that they ignored every day.

so tomorrow i will get out of bed. i will picture all my friends living their happy little lives in their happy little world and i will think that during some part of their day they might have time remember me. i will sit and think to myself again and who knows what else i may think about then.

time for class. have a good day.