hanya di malaysia!!

Please, for the sake of good humour and patriotic nation-bashing, read this. Oh my goodness I laughed till my love handles jiggled themselves away.

In my personal humble opinion, I don't think the crowd mistook the cop for a thief. They just wanted to get some revenge on corrupt malaysian cops and they all probably got their porn from that vcd seller, so if he got caught, no more prawn for them. that's my theory. I dare anyone to oppose me.

In response to tim's placenta-induced post, I say that nothing says "good morning!!" better than a river of meconium-stained amniotic fluid straight to the face accompanied by a hysterical yelling mother screaming bloody murder, pissing and spraying faeces at anyone within range. ahhhhh obs. nothing takes away the shame of the exposed human body parts like staring down a vagina for 4 hours yelling "push push push you can do itttttt!!" like a bloody cheerleader. just hand me my pom poms and gay red vest. go raven go go go raven.

and then digging into the placenta to look for bloody 3 vessels and flipping the dawn of the dead rejected prop (because it's too gross) like mass around and making sure it's intact.

honestly i have no more shame. the other day i was eating a muffin with my left hand while my right was gloved and covered in lube, just before examining a woman. no i wasn't in the room at the time, the labtech was drawing blood. but it didn't hit me how gross it was until the nurse saw me and said "that. is. disgusting." "huh? oh... er... right..."

enough about obs. i don't know how anyone can do it for a career. i like my women to retain some form of mystery.

i'm now convinced that we all go through a quarter life crisis of sorts. symptoms?
lack of self confidence, prevailing self doubt
feelings of helplessness
feeling lost
overwhelmed by responsibilities
overwhelmed by "everything"
dealing with bills
refusal to face responsibilities

in this great journey we call life, there are a few defining moments in each of our seperate roads. the quarter life crisis, of which i am about to write a thesis about, seperates the wheat from the chaff. Depending on how you come out of it, you either end up as a confident, mature, well rounded human being, or you collapse into a blithering placental-like mass of self-pity and regret. might not be so dramatic but you know those 30-yr old guys who sit by the road and go "phhhhiiittt phhhiiittt awek awek". yeah.

some days i wonder if chia ming or han nien are still alive. i wonder about sk too some days but i just saw him in burger king the other day so i'm convinced he hasn't crashed a plane somewhere yet. yet.

but hn? trying to get a hold of him is like trying for an audience with the agung. maybe tougher. bros before hoes, my friend, 2B4H.

tip of the day #1

never ever wear your favourite white nikes to delivery shift. fuck.

call me mr ong.

i'm still alive me mateys. i'm disappointed in the lack of updates to this blog. you guys can't possibly lead a life less eventful than mine. or the converse, you guys are living it up and cbf keeping me updated. i spit on you.

final term of the year, baby catching time. just call me the delivery man.

time for my rant. i think everyone will agree that some women need to do some landscaping before they come and see the doctor. i mean, don't you at least mow the lawn when you're up for a garden show? which begs the question how the hell do these women get pregnant so often if it's a bloody tropical rainforest down there. i'm not just talking about which man would derive any pleasure in sticking it into a big mound of hair but how do you find your way around in there? not to mention the fauna that might be festering between the fronds. in any case, if you have a gynae clinic at least put on clean undies and take a shower.

the other end of the spectrum are the ladies who get a bikini wax and wax their legs when they come in to have a baby. it just makes me happy to not have to put my hand through all your pubes to do an exam. just the other day i clamped the umbilical cord along with a wad of some lady's pubes cos they just kept getting in the way and i cbf picking them out.

on a side note, i just got an invitation to a mate's wedding in melbourne. go lance. at the same time, you realise that we're years behind what other people are doing in their lives. my peers are married, having illegitimate kids (not lance), working.. and all i do is lie in bed and ruminate on my prospects of passing the next exam. the next time i move i'm not going to buy a bed. you know the shows where some morbidly obese dude lies in bed all day because he can't get up and about? that'll be me in a few years' time if i keep this up.

oh ya happy birthday mr wong wei jin whose sister just got married so congratulations to her too.