wei, how you laa..

we were just discussing aaron's opening lines for his patient interviews and such and this guai lou friend of mine has got his impression of aaron down to a science. no more "wei, how you la.." it's now "so.. uh.. your baby's going to die" (with a hint of an american accent). god, we're so mean, but then again you shouldn't say "so.. uh.. do you uh.. sleep with other women?" to patients unless you want to be mocked. this is a fantastic story which you will all never hear about because deep down inside you all think perth is a shithole. which is why i haven't heard anyone say "hi tim i'm coming to visit you".

no, this is not a laugh at aaron post. i'm just trying to talk about the fantastic american accent that malaysians put on when talking to westerners. by now i'm sure everyone realises that when a guai lou starts talking to a malaysian, suddenly got one-kind accent come out from nowhere. no matter how you deny it, everyone does it. *ahem* lavinia, david, and a lot of other people i've noticed. i probably sound damn weird too just that i'm too cool to admit it. so everyone does it, except maybe wei jin. but then again maybe that's why he got mugged - face problem. wei jin just bears the brunt of all our jokes because he chooses to be true to himself by speaking normal english, which is actually damn good english for a kl fella, and protesting the commercialisation of valentine's day, which actually makes wei jin the one true romantic? hard to say, hard to say.

i digress. back to ang moh saying hi to you. it's like omg guai lou. i mustn't say lah. must resist saying lah. no lah. cannot say lah. must.. use.. good english. and so, we go back to the best english we've ever heard - tv english. i really don't know which is worse, listening to someone sound like a fob (fresh off boat, btw), or someone who suddenly develops a weird-ass accent from god knows where but got a bit of american somewhere in there. if we really do feel that how we speak is an inferior form of the language, hence the need for a different accent, then why, oh why, do we have to sound like spastics when we talk to each other? i swear, sometimes i have trouble phrasing a question without using the word meh? i honestly don't understand how or why we continue to converse the way we do. when i see ken rhee or aaron or jessie (bless her twitching soul) i revert to sounding like i'm at a mamak, and i want to drink bleach, stab myself in the eye, or inhale water, or swallow vomit.

actually, why does inhaling water feel so damn painful? like you know when you accidentally get water up your nose and you can feel it go all the way up to your brain and tickle your frontal lobe? omg anatomy jokes.. anyway, yeah why? WHY AH? it's water, and when you have a runny nose (rhinorrhoea) and you take a good hard deep breath (forceful inspiration) so to keep it from dripping onto your nice skirt, why doesn't that feel like someone is shoving a big stick up your nose? probably not big stick, more like satay stick. mucus not the same as water? it looks like water, feels like water. yet doesn't do the same thing as water to your nasal passageway. i call it the naso-cerebral canal.

ok, this post sounded a lot more sophisticated when i thought it up. with satirical mockery of malaysian culture and a cynical view on lame asians etc. all i've managed so far is make fun of aaron and talk about water up your nose. *note to self: must think things out more.*

oh, right. the point i wanted to make. or was in the process of making before the water thing came up: do you really think that you really have a good english accent that sounds damn ang moh and suddenly makes you sound damn sophisticated and refined and not like some joker fresh off the plane from kluang (the joke is that kluang takda airport) that's been hidden from the world all this while? like mutant powers. people can control weather, i can speak english! call me, englishman. because sadly, most of us do sound damn retarded in our malaysian "pseudo-english" accent. i guess it's between a rock and a hard place isn't it - to sound retarded because you sound damn malaysian, or sounding damn retarded because you're trying to not sound malaysian. yes, tick off my achievement for the day - to use the rock and a hard place in a sentence.

i've rambled on long enough. btw, i think i failed my exam. so gg. hi year 5 again. wankers.